11:58 (GMT+2), Sat, 05 April 2014| Comments
Every day, millions of us across the world subject ourselves to the uncomfortable reality of public transportation.
Regardless of why you’re on board, you’re bound to come across at least one of the following passengers or pests, as they’re more commonly known.
Here is a list of ways that passengers on public transportation can truly piss you off. To prevent becoming the victim of well-deserved disapproving dirty looks, avoid them.
1. The Shouter
Universally loathed, there is always someone on board informing you of every sordid detail of his or her dull life.
As lovely as your date to the best taco joint around may seem, the entire bus does not need to know about it. (And we sure as hell don’t need the added info of the romantic romp that followed).
Is it so much to ask to be able to sit in peace and for you to spare me the unnecessary details of your sex life?
2. The Slurper/Snacker
This person will be sucking on a straw or rustling a crisp packet — the sound of such actions makes your jaw lock in frustration.
He or she crunches every last bite, slurps up every last sip of smoothie and sucks every finger clean of whatever he or she was snacking on. Did I mention that this will happen directly in your eardrum?
3. The Sweater
I know the feeling of being stuck on a crowded, clammy, claustrophobic carriage with a bunch of strangers in ungodly heat — I do not judge a little perspiration.
However, the shelves of supermarkets are stacked with a variety of branded deodorant these days. There is no excuse for bad BO! Whoops, forgot to apply it post shower this morning?
Well, I sure as hell didn’t sign up to being submerged into your sweaty pit when I stepped onto the bus.
There’s a thing called a convenience store located on most street corners; purchase an antiperspirant to save yourself, my nostrils and the shame of your stench. That, or walk because the breezy air might freshen up your foul odor.
4. The Couple
You and your better half may have only just started dating, but there is no need for over-the-top PDA — holding hands will suffice. Remove your tongue from his or her tonsils, separate yourselves for 10 minutes and quit with the cute cooing.
Reserve that for behind closed doors or beneath the bed sheets. I’m just trying to concentrate on getting from point A to point B.
5. The Drunk
Shrieks from irritating, intoxicated teenage girls, whose piss-infused pants leave residue on the seat for the next person to enjoy… Singing sports fans, who had a few too many and projectile vomit everywhere… Yum.
Who wants to sit next to the distinct sound of drum and bass at 7 am?! The fact I’m a foot away from you but could sing along with the song blasting in your ears highlights the fact that you should TURN IT DOWN.
And I won’t even comment on the head banging, foot tapping or accidental outbreak of song that accompanies this annoying practice.
7. The General Weirdos
When dealing with the greater public, you’re bound to stumble across the occasional oddball. From those whose heavy breathing audible from rows away, to the nose-pickers, this person has a range of attributes that are annoying and sometimes, scary. To the pervert peering over the top of that paper he’s pretending to read — quit staring at me.
8. The Younger Passengers
If your journey commences in the early morning, chances are, school children will accompany you on your commute.
As you hear about the latest One Direction sighting and gossip about the girl who sprouted underarm hair before anyone else, you wonder where all the yellow buses are.
9. The Selfish Seat Snatcher
Sorry, did you pay for an extra ticket for your feet or bag that are occupying a SPARE seat? No, I didn’t think so.
10. The Stander
I know you can’t always help it, as the bus heaves and you have to stand. But standing still isn’t difficult — bend your knees a little and suck in your core so you stop smacking into me as well as aiding your balance. Happy days for us both!
11. The Cyber Freaks
Nails clicking on keyboards, fast action fingers pounding poor iPads and phones… Technology-obsessed individuals surround us and yes, it probably is important to complete the latest level of Candy Crush, but do you really have to do it here? With the volume on full bast?
It’s 9 pm, I have a two hour commute home and want some well-deserved shut eye. I don’t need the glare from your gadget keeping me awake.
12. The Egotists
I see you, sitting there, staring at your reflection in your mini mirror. I also do not need your elbow in my eye as you attempt to put on mascara or be covered in a cloud of your bronzer.
You have a bathroom back home for this and if you’re running late, use the ones at work. Everyone commuting at this hour is concerned about their own journey and they won’t notice a pimple you forgot to cover up.