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COLUMN: Unresolved issues of the past

───   12:44 Tue, 14 Mar 2017

COLUMN: Unresolved issues of the past | News Article
Fannie

A wise man once said: "Your past don't define you... it's what you do afterwards that defines you."


The above is true but the sad reality is that so many people find it so much easier to give into their past, to be defined by their past instead of building themselves up from their pasts. 

You are not the fool that you think you are simply because someone cheated on you for so long and you were too blind to see it. You are not a worthless someone that you think you are, simply because all you have known and lived by is the ill treatment from your family and friends. 

You are not the rape victim that you think you are, but you are a rape victor. You are not the poverty that you grew up in, but you are what you choose to be today... You have no control over what happened in the past... especially what someone did to you; so stop being hard on yourself and blaming yourself for someone's actions.

How and why something happened; doesn't matter more than the fact that it happened. You can spend the rest of your life questioning how and why something happened to you, but sadly that's never ever going to get you anywhere in life; if anything, it's going to bring you more misery. 

Witchcraft is when you want to see your present and future life through the eyes of the unresolved issues of the past and expect different results from the ones you experienced in the past. 

Realize this: What is done is done; you have no control over it whatsoever... But I’ll tell you what; you have control over your present and the future. You have the power to make a choice to unchain yourself from all the hurt, pain, sadness, confusion and sorrow of the past and live a happy life. 

It is so much easier to bandage the sad, painful, haunting experience of the past by doing drugs, drinking alcohol or having multiple sexual partners... but the painful truth is that when you zone out of that temporary moment of pleasure... the reality is going to be staring right at you. 

Those wounds of the past are going to open up, bleed and you’re going to feel the pain you’re trying to avoid. You can't move forward in life until you have forgiven those who hurt you and accepted what happened to you. 

Don't get me wrong; I am not in anyway implying that it's that easily to simply forgive the man (your father/stepfather/uncle/partner) who was supposed to love, protect and care for you... but who turned into a monster that sexually molested you, abused your mother and became the reason why you disgustingly abhor the idea of a man so much... But it is possible for you to live the life you desire by the choices you make today.

So many people walk up and down the streets every day with high protective walls around them; walls built as the result of their past; walls that have no doors or windows to let someone in because of the fear of being subjected to that one past painful experience... But for how long are you going to carry the fear, hurt and the anger inside of you? How do you intend on fully enjoying life to the fullest when you get emotional every single time an occurrence that triggers the past happens simply because you haven't resolved your past issues? 

You can't carry on like this; it's time to revisit your past and solve the issues that are tampering with your day's peace of mind. The danger with unresolved issues of the past is that you can pretend that you’re over them, but once something that triggers the past happens; you’re going back to square one and being forced to face the demons you’re trying so hard to avoid. 

Resolving the issues of the past is never easy, but it's possible. All you have to do is stick your hand inside that bleeding wound of the past and destroy the root cause of what's keeping you chained to the past. Think of these unresolved issues of the past as a tree that bears sour and bitter fruits. 

You can’t begin to get rid of this tree by merely cutting its branches or the stem; you need to cut the roots and kill it, and that's exactly what you need to do with your past. Acceptance and forgiveness are the first steps to setting yourself free. 

Realize that for as long as you don't deal and resolve those issues of the past; you going to end up being a broken someone, building broken relationships and relations; a broken parent raising broken kids and before we know it... the whole society is going to be broken all because we couldn't liberate ourselves from the hurt and the pain of the past.

Unresolved issues from the past relationships can and do impact negatively on your present relationships and relations with people; be it friends or colleagues. For example, if your previous partner cheated on you and you never accepted, forgave and let go of that occurrence; you are bound to wonder if your prospective or recent partner won't cheat on you and subject you to the same pain over again.

You are bound to wonder if your recent friends won't also betray you like the previous one did. Unresolved issues are dangerous as they fill you with anger which is more dangerous to you or the person who has it. It's like holding a hot burning coal that you intend on throwing at someone; the moment you grab hold of that coal it hurts you.

You can't continue being enslaved by the unresolved issues of the past; they serve no good purpose to your health; present or future. 

Go back; face and resolve those issues; so that you can live a happy stress-free life that you deserve. Most importantly remember this; you can easily choose not to take responsibility for your unresolved issues of the past, but you will never escape the consequences of failing to address and resolve those issues. 

When you take responsibility for your own feelings, happiness, and life... you empower yourself to live the life you want and choose, and not the life that your past issues wants you to live.

Today being CHOOSEDAY; I double dare you to make a CHOICE to face, address and break free from those unresolved issues of the past.


#NoAlarmClockNeededMyChoiceWakesMeUp

Fannie Zim is a practicing and Admitted Attorney of the High Court of South Africa. 

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