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The Unofficial Braai Etiquette Manual ??

Rule #1 – Never Criticise the Braaier.

Even if he’s burning the chops into cardboard. Even if the wors is drier than the Free State veld in September. You nod, smile and say, “Sho, this is how they do it at Gordon Ramsay’s house too.”

Rule #2 – Don’t Say “Is the Fire Ready Yet?”

If you have to ask, it’s not. The fire is ready when the braaier’s belly tells you it’s ready. Not a minute sooner.

Rule #3 – Paper Plates Are for Amateurs.

If the plate bends under the weight of your chop, you’ve disrespected the cow. Bring a real plate. Bonus points if it’s stolen from your mom’s Tupperware cupboard.

Rule #4 – Salad Is Decoration.

Nobody came for your quinoa, Karen. The only green allowed is the spinach in your wors.

Rule #5 – Never Bring Chicken as Your Contribution.

Because now everyone’s going to wait two hours while your drumsticks sit on the fire like shy teenagers at their first sokkie.

Rule #6 – Don’t Touch Another Man’s Tongs.

That’s like holding another man’s wife’s hand at a wedding. Big no-no.

Rule #7 – Pap Must Be Stirred With Respect.

It’s not pap, it’s tradition. Stir it wrong and your ancestors will appear in the smoke and do things to you.

Rule #8 – Know Your Meat Doneness.

Blue rare? Still mooing? Well done? Might as well braai a flip-flop. Medium rare is the only acceptable answer.

Rule #9 – Don’t Compare Braais.

Never say: “This wors is nice, but Oom Koos puts beer in his marinade.” That’s how braai wars start.

Rule #10 – The Leftover Rule.

If you didn’t braai it, you don’t take it home. The wors you brought but didn’t eat now belongs to the host. That’s tax.

Last but not least, if you support any other team other than the South African team, stay at home.